I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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