I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize