I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
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He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
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The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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