a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
