It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
