totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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