he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
