I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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