i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
