if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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