I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
