So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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