Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I understand Curling. That high.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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