worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
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judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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