Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just found puke in my bra..
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
