You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
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Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
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Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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