Just fell off a train. Bad.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
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he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
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What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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