don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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