Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
