Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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