This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
