i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Is it penis luge time yet?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
