I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
