What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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