As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
