our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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