i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
