I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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