Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
