This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
