You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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