he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
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Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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