Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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