Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
