So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
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im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
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Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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