You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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