i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
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