Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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