I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
