May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Who died my cat blue again?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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