you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
