just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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