As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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