Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
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I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
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I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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