is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
