Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
