I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
