I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
