I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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