At least make sure they are 18
Why
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
