Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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