was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize