I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
