9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
