Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
