There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
