did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
