I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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