never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
