i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
