Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
