so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
