oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
this boner is exhausting
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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