Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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