I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
